My Name
by Blue-Starlight92
Summary: No Pairings. Country names used. At an audition for "The Crucible", Finland reflects on the importance of one's name. Drabble-y one shot.


Title: My Name

Fandom: Axis Powers: Hetalia

Characters: Finland and Sweden (no pairings)

Genre: Angst

Plot: Finland and the John Proctor "Because it is my name!" speech from the Crucible. Finland realizes what's been bugging him all these years, and the importance of your own name.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, text is taken from "The Crucible" by Arthur Miller and Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

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Finland didn't know why he had done this, there wasn't really any pressing _need _for him to- but he had heard in passing through England that one of America's theatres was holding auditions for a play called "The Crucible". Finland himself had read the play and thought it intriguing, and so decided to check into it.

And that was how he found himself in his current predicament, several weeks later, standing on stage with one other man only, who would read the cue lines, and in front of the director, and several other people involved in the show, sitting somewhere in the darkened auditorium, and Sweden, who had wanted to go with him to watch. Unlike the judges, Finland knew exactly where Sweden was- sixth row, dead center- and he found himself wanting to turn toward the man as he said the monologue he had long since memorized. Some might say like a wife might look for a husband for courage, but for Finland it was the exact opposite- he was not Sweden's wife, he was a man! Yet Sweden, or Su-san, seemed to use "m'wife" like it was Finland's name. He never heard his own name whenever it was him and Sweden in the house, and sometimes that could go on for days. Even little Sealand, when he didn't just address him directly, sometimes called him "mamma" and he was beyond tired of it! What had happened to his own name?

"No. No. I have signed it. You have seen me. It is done. You have no need for this. I have confessed to God and God has seen my name on this! It is enough! You came to save my soul, did you not? Here! I have confessed myself, it is enough! Is there no good penitence but it be public? God does not need my name nailed upon the church! God sees my name, he knows how black my sins are! It is enough! You will not use me! I am no Sarah Good or Tituba, I am John Proctor! You will not use me! It is no part of salvation that you should use me! I have three children in the world – how may I teach them to walk like men in the world and I sold my friends?"

Here the man reading the cue lines interrupted him to read one such line.

"Beguile me not! I blacken all of them when this is nailed to the church door the very day they hang for silence! You are the high court. Your word is good enough. Tell them I confessed myself; say Proctor broke on his knees and wept like a woman; say what you will, but my name cannot be nailed upon the church door!"

Again, another line. The man reading it really did have a bland voice. But it was an audition, it was not meant to distract from Finland's own performance.

"I mean to deny nothing!" Finland yelled, and again another one of Danforth's lines, this one asking him to explain why he would not let his false confession, written to appease a false accusation, be hung on the church door for all to see, by the reader, and Finland found himself turning directly to stare at Sweden. Hearing in his head all the times Sweden had introduced him as "m'wife" or called him that in the house, and let Finland take care of the domestic chores, recalling when Estonia had said "I'm worried about you, Finland." And seeing in his mind the first letter from some business that read "Mr. And Mrs." Because the addresser had never seen Finland, and had only talked to Sweden. All of this came bubbling up inside him before he looked Sweden directly in the eye and screamed.

"Because it is my NAME! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang! How may I live without my name? _I have given you my soul, leave me my name!_"

And Finland found himself crying. He had crumpled to the ground during the last paragraph, on his knee's and clinging to the little piece of paper that had been given to him to be used as a prop as if it was his child. Only one string of thoughts ran through his mind, triggered by the similarity of the monologue with his own feelings, that he would give anything if only Sweden would understand it, what he meant by the monologue, that he was desperate for his own name back, that he wanted, even just once, for the importance that he felt of his own name to be acknowledged.

And then, as if in a haze, he heard the director's voice come over the sound system via a microphone. "Thank you very much, Mr. Vainamoinien. The cast list will be posted on the 18th of August."

Finland stood, and walked off stage as if in a dream, and from there made his way back to the lobby, where Sweden was waiting for him.

"Y' did g'd, F'nl'nd." Was all he said.

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**A/N: I don't know why I thought of this, or even if it's really any good, but I saw "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" and all the references to "The Crucible" made me think of the speech... and somehow this evolved from it.**


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